In celebration of February and Valentine's Day as love month, i wanted to guest feature bloggers who have been married for more than ten years. I am truly blessed to know so many bloggers who have been living their vows through so many seasons. I am learning so much from these couples and i hope throughout the month, you will be able to learn wonderful lessons from them.
To begin the series, i have Nylse from Life...After Death of a Brother, to share with us some of the lessons she has learned within her twenty-two years of marriage.
Share away Nylse!
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I got married young at 22, but I never felt
young or as if I wasn’t ready. Practically, I was at the point of my life where
marriage was the next step – I had finished college, and was working making
decent money. My next step was to leave my parents house either through
marriage or a job opportunity.
When I met my husband to be, I wasn’t
thinking about marriage initially. After we started talking, and eventually
dating or courting, I knew I was in love. We talked about everything. I felt
loved, cared for, respected and accepted. When I said I do, I had no doubts and
knew it would be for a lifetime. Though I was young physically, I never felt
unprepared for marriage – never. I think part of this was due to our faith; we
both took our Christian walk seriously and it is foundational to our
relationship.
Our wedding theme was – a three cord strand is not easily broken.
This image was printed on our invitations, programs and anything else it could
be printed on.
We planned our wedding together, but I have
to admit he was the real wedding planner. We bought a book and he followed it
to a tee. I was not one of those young ladies growing up who dreamt of my
wedding day and what dress I would wear.
During our ceremony, we said the
traditional vows; I didn’t want to say obey, so I said love, honor and cherish.
He pledged his undying love and I pledged my troth. Per Google - “Troth” means
a promise of truthfulness, and is derived from the same word as “truth”.
If you
know me, I have not reneged on this promise!
Our first year was wedded bliss – we loved
up on each other often, hung out and enjoyed each other’s company. During that first year, I got pregnant, and
while that enhanced our happiness both of us experienced uncertainty. I
remember going to la Maze classes together, going to the gynecologist together,
and delivering our first child and him being there.
I’ve learned many things through 22 years
of marriage,
but the ones below are those that stand out the most.
·
The good outweighs the bad – we’ve had
job loss, relocations, children, challenging work schedules, children doing
questionable things, differences of opinions, arguments etc…no major sickness
but changes in health and bodies that we’ve both had to adjust to. I saw the
toll sickness took on my brother’s marriage and what I’ve come to realize is
that we appreciate each other through the imperfections; because if he’s dead
and gone, I will surely miss him. I’ve come to realize that wherever I am in
the world, as long as we’re together, I’m good.
·
Marital tiffs are temporary and necessary – the thing is temporary, may last 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months. But
recognizing it for what it is and working through it you move on, learn and
grow.
·
We are each other’s friend – the first
person I want to call whenever something happens to me, good or bad is my
husband. The same is true for him.
·
Never make one person feel as if he’s better than the other – My husband came from money, while I did not. On the other hand,
my parents never divorced, his did. We would both be right in feeling superior
to each other because of our circumstances, but it really wouldn’t help us as a
couple. We acknowledge where we came from yet forged ahead
to try and build
something beautiful together.
·
Baggage becomes heavy if not unpacked with love –knowing the other person has your back and your best interests at
heart makes it easier to deal with the difficulty of unloading baggage.
·
“Please” and “Thank You” are the magic words
sprinkled in with lots of “I
love you” and “I’m sorry”.
·
Children enhance your relationship, but never forget to work on your
marriage. Our children always got a kick out of
seeing Mummy & Daddy going out on date night.
·
Teenagers + pre-menopause + mid-life crisis = Turbulence! –
Honestly, when these three intersect, what can you do but go with the flow,
remember your foundation and hope that everyone comes out all right!
·
Individual dreams don’t die because you’re married, as a matter of
fact they can flourish. The caveat is they make
take a little longer or look a bit different than you anticipated when they
come in to fruition, but it’s such an inspiring feeling knowing that someone
besides you dreams great dreams for you and expects you to achieve them.
·
Communication is important – this sounds
cliché but it’s true. You have to find a rhythm that works for both of you so
that you can get things out. Little
things become boulders if you never address them and they can impact every
area. In the beginning I used to be a yeller, and he would get very quiet. We danced, and shuffled and figured out a way
to
communicate where both are heard and feelings are spared.
·
Don’t take each other for granted – do
the things that put a smile on his/her face. BTW, it’s usually the little
things like closing cupboard doors,
cleaning up after yourself, hugs,
kisses…you get the idea.
·
Pray as often together as you can –
sometimes what
you cannot say to each other you can say to God; but
·
Don’t neglect your own individual spiritual walk. – To take this one step further, just because you’re couple does
not mean you lose your individuality;
nurture yourself also so that you bring
your best to each other.
·
Love is a choice – when you first start
out, you’re starry eyed in love. Over time that feeling may fade but at some
point you realize that love is a verb and you make an active choice to live out
your love. You may not always like everything your mate does, but you don’t
love them any less. For example, I strongly dislike that he now snores, but
I’ve learn to adjust and live with it so that it’s not a stumbling block. It’s always the little things that can trip
you up.
·
Old love is different from young love –
old love is like nice warm flannel sheets that envelopes you and always makes
you feel toasty when they’re wrapped around you.
That’s where we are and I like
it.
·
We’re like night and day – but together we’re a perfect match.
He balances out my emotional side, and I’m always giving him
something to think about.
You wouldn’t believe our conversations!
·
You gain another person’s perspective when you’re married to them.
·
Sometimes you have to tune out all the noise and do what’s best for
the two of you – they’re so many relationship
experts out there; many have good advice and some have questionable advice.
Become the expert on your marriage so that you know what works for the two of
you.
If I could do it all over again, I would
marry my husband, because he’s the man for me.
Something magical has happened
within the past few months between us and I can’t actually put my finger on it.
I think prior to this we had an argument where feelings were hurt and I know
for me, something clicked and I said, “Why am I doing this?” Since then, we’ve
had the most insightful and enjoyable conversations which has led to a greater
understanding on both our parts.
I can’t change him, nor he me but I’ve seen
how working on yourself can benefit the relationship. I used to pray for a
gentle quiet spirit – God has a sense of humor, because He took his time
answering this request and used things like our marriage, and raising children
to bring out these qualities in me. From the beginning, our faith has been our
foundation which has strengthened our bond.
I’m glad we’re doing life together!
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Thank you so much Nylse for sharing the lessons you have learned in 22-years of marriage.
It's great how you and your husband have grown together as friends, companions and man and wife.
And so many young people are too focused on the wedding and not the marriage!
It's definitely an important lesson to remember this lesson!
Question of the Day:
What lesson have you learned in your marriage/relationship?
