How can you become your spouse's helpmate?
Meg will help answer this question through how her and her husband are living their vows.
___________________________________________________Hi all! I'm Meg and I write Henning Love.
My husband and I have been married since July 17, 2010.
As we are approaching about 1.5 years of marriage,
I can tell you it has been no cake walk but there isn't anyone else
I would rather take that walk with each day.
I love Mrs. Pancakes' series about marriages vows.
With all the Hollywood news about who is divorcing who,
who is cheating on their spouse and how many days are marriages lasting,
it is refreshing to have Mrs. Pancakes focus on what marriage is about,
saying those vows and sticking to them through the rough and tough, happiness and laughter.
Mrs. Pancakes asked me to select a part of our vows and focus on how I am living those out.
Part of my vows that I said to Sean are:
As God has prepared me to be your helpmate and companion in life
I commit myself to stand by you.
The word, "help mate" was so important to me even before I met Sean.
It was so important to me before any relationship I would enter into with the intent of marriage.
I was designed by God to be a man's helpmate. It is Biblically-written as one of my duties as a wife:
It was so important to me before any relationship I would enter into with the intent of marriage.
I was designed by God to be a man's helpmate. It is Biblically-written as one of my duties as a wife:
"Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
How do I live out my vows with the purpose of being a helpmate and companion?
The first way I live out my vows is to know my husband's needs
and wants and know how I can best fulfill those needs.
For example, making his lunch every day.
Yes I do that and why do I do that?
Because it helps my husband out by providing him a nutritious lunch
and second because I know I am helping us to save money
because he is having to go out and spend money each day for lunch.
You know the saying a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, totally stands true in our household.
and wants and know how I can best fulfill those needs.
For example, making his lunch every day.
Yes I do that and why do I do that?
Because it helps my husband out by providing him a nutritious lunch
and second because I know I am helping us to save money
because he is having to go out and spend money each day for lunch.
You know the saying a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, totally stands true in our household.
The second way I live out my vows to my husband of being his helpmate
and companion is knowing when I have to let go of my frustrations and just be there for my husband.
Let me paint you a scenario that occurred the other night.
I was at home sick all day and I was feeling frustrated
because a week earlier my husband has promised he would write me two love notes.
Love notes written by him are a big deal for me and I was disappointed he has failed to do that.
I was still kinda in a bad mood even when he came home.
As we sat upstairs on our bed, I was still stewing, he just asked me to hug him.
We sat in our bed in a hug and he started talking about his feelings
about his frustrations with being an interim head coach and not knowing
if God would provide him the opportunity to be the head coach drop the interim part.
and companion is knowing when I have to let go of my frustrations and just be there for my husband.
Let me paint you a scenario that occurred the other night.
I was at home sick all day and I was feeling frustrated
because a week earlier my husband has promised he would write me two love notes.
Love notes written by him are a big deal for me and I was disappointed he has failed to do that.
I was still kinda in a bad mood even when he came home.
As we sat upstairs on our bed, I was still stewing, he just asked me to hug him.
We sat in our bed in a hug and he started talking about his feelings
about his frustrations with being an interim head coach and not knowing
if God would provide him the opportunity to be the head coach drop the interim part.
Sitting there listening to him, I just knew I just had to let go of how I was feeling towards him and realize that he needed me more than I needed him in that moment.
Living out my vows to me is knowing when my husband
has a greater need from me then a need that I need fulfilled from him.
Our conversation continued in that he was worried
I would loose respect for him if he was forced back to an assistant coach position,
and his worries he wouldn't be able to fully provide for his family.
Clearly his concerns are a lot heavier than my little wish for love notes.
Living out my vows is putting myself aside and knowing
when it is important to do so and be that helpmate that God designed me to be for Sean.
The second half of those vows:
I commit myself to stand by you are the actions behind the first part of that sentence.
Standing by my husband means through good or bad,
and it is the standing part that can be the toughest.
In our case, standing by my husband means even if I don't like his job necessarily all the time,
I don't like the hours he puts in or the travel that is required.
I still have to stick it out.
I may fight, complain and belly-ache all I want about that
but truth be told I said those vows and I need to uphold them.
I loved the vows we said at our wedding,
and it is because they aren't just words we were saying
but knowing that there will be meaning and action behind it.
Additionally, that there is no other person except Sean who I will be a helpmate for
and he will receive my love regarding that aspect to the fullest extent that I can show him.
Living out my vows to me is knowing when my husband
has a greater need from me then a need that I need fulfilled from him.
Our conversation continued in that he was worried
I would loose respect for him if he was forced back to an assistant coach position,
and his worries he wouldn't be able to fully provide for his family.
Clearly his concerns are a lot heavier than my little wish for love notes.
Living out my vows is putting myself aside and knowing
when it is important to do so and be that helpmate that God designed me to be for Sean.
The second half of those vows:
I commit myself to stand by you are the actions behind the first part of that sentence.
Standing by my husband means through good or bad,
and it is the standing part that can be the toughest.
In our case, standing by my husband means even if I don't like his job necessarily all the time,
I don't like the hours he puts in or the travel that is required.
I still have to stick it out.
I may fight, complain and belly-ache all I want about that
but truth be told I said those vows and I need to uphold them.
I loved the vows we said at our wedding,
and it is because they aren't just words we were saying
but knowing that there will be meaning and action behind it.
Additionally, that there is no other person except Sean who I will be a helpmate for
and he will receive my love regarding that aspect to the fullest extent that I can show him.
Marriage is not easy, not by any stretch of the imagination
but if you and your spouse are willing to follow the advice of the couple below,
you two can make it through anything.
___________________________________________________
but if you and your spouse are willing to follow the advice of the couple below,
you two can make it through anything.
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Thank you Meg!
And the triangle is just beautiful because when we put God above you and your spouse,
there is nothing that a couple cannot achieve!
I appreciate your honest post about how you and hubby are living out your vows.
And it's so important to be a helpmate to your husband and NOT look at it as being submissive.
Question of the Day:
How are you a helpmate to your husband?
boyfriend/partner?
I love the honesty in this post too. I don't know how you can have a happy, healthy partnership without being a helpmate to your partner. I agree that it works both ways, and the more you give, the more you'll get (of course there are situations where this won't hold) My husband and I seem to go through periods, there are times when he really needs me to step up and there are times when I need him to do the same. Such beautiful sentiments <3
ReplyDeleteThis is truly a wonderful post! I loved reading about she is living out her vows, something, I feel, can lose its value sometimes, especially in hollywood. The idea of being a helpmate is kinda cool to me. Being a helper is not being submissive, rather someone who helps her husband as well as their relationship. It's great. It's selfless and giving, love it!
ReplyDeleteLove Meg! I would say this an excellent question. So much of the time, I feel like I do a lot more for my husband than he does for me. So therefore I selfishly expect some thank you's and appreciation from him. But this post has helped put some of these things in perspective!
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