The Good Cancer: Fear vs. Faith?

One of the challenging periods during this storm in my life has been my faith in God versus the emotional side of being human, aka: fear!  Although i trusted that God will get me out of this storm too, i couldn't help but to have fears along the way.  Thank goodness for Mr. Pancakes for reminding on a daily basis to believe that God has already healed me.  The best thing he advised me was to "cry, be angry at the cancer but not to be scared and lose my faith in God's power".  

My first initial fear was of course, "i am going to die" until i found out more information about the treatment pathways. 

 My second fear was of course that Mr. Pancakes was going to have to deal with an unhealthy wife for the rest of our lives.  He deserved to be happy.  But then i learned he loved me unconditionally and as a team, we would concur anything including the thyroid cancer and live our lives.  

The third fear (possibly could have been first or second) was that i was going to have this horrible scar on my neck.  Vain is a powerful thing even when there is the thought that you may die. 

 The last fear which slowly became bigger than myself were the physical symptoms i was suddenly experiencing.  My voice was the most impacted.

Dr. W informed me that my surgery would have to be imminent due to where the thyroid was located in connection to my trachea and larynx.

 

There was a chance in surgery that the removal of your thyroid may affect your voice box.

It's amazing once you find out you have something wrong with you, you begin to believe you have all the symptoms.  Or perhaps, you begin to notice the symptoms more.

One of the symptoms was if i talked for an extended amount of time, my throat would hurt.  I figured it was something about the growing lump in my throat.  Therefore, when Dr. W mentioned the possibility of my voice box being affected, i became paranoid. One morning as i was driving to work, i parked and cried and cried at the possibility of something happening to my voice.

Thank goodness for Christian radio stations playing the right songs at the right time.  Of course, Mr. Pancakes was there to pull me away from the edge of despair and no faith! I cried and cried and in the end, my faith was stronger than my fears.

I remember telling Mr. Pancakes to make sure i could speak post surgery.  After surgery, my voice was fine.  I could speak without any concerns.  I had a voice that could thank God for his blessings on my life, yet again.  My scar was not as bad as i had feared.  Mr. Pancakes loved me and all my pre and post comments about my thyroid.  Now we joke about me not having a thyroid (and cancer).  

I didn't die.  I survive.  Faith in the mighty power of God (and what he is capable of) is so much stronger than any fear that you may have (and that's my testimony).

In the question of fear vs. faith....i chose FAITH!

To be continued...the happy beginning.