Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Living Our Vows: Camisha & Lamar

I am so happy to have Camisha of Bibs & Baubles with us today for the Living Our Vows series.
I am excited Camisha agreed to be part of the series and her post is something that i believe many of you will with children will relate to.  I believe it's something many mommies do not talk about however having a baby can definitely have an impact on how we live our vows and i am glad she has decided to share her experiences with us.  Hope you learn as much as i did!
You are on Cam!

To have and to hold

From this day forward

For better for worse

For richer for poorer

In sickness and in health

To love and to cherish

Till death do we part.

When Mrs. Pancakes asked me to contribute to this series I was delighted and then I was terrified. 
Delighted because I love her blog and was thrilled to be invited to contribute! 
Terrified because you really can’t get into your marriage vows
 and how they’ve been put into practice without, well, putting yourself out there. Eeek!
Adding to that is my husband is a pretty private person so,
 I knew I’d have to take this challenge on from my perspective and not divulge too much about him. 
Then, I had to decide which vow to tackle. The one that stood out to me was “for better or for worse."


That particular vow resonates with me.
The thing that pops in my mind when I hear this vow is the birth of our son.
Don't get me wrong, having our son was and is wonderful.
 We were very happy to be pregnant and ecstatic when our son made his way into the world.
The first few months of parenthood...that was a trying time!
 I don't think we really knew what we were walking into.
Nobody tells you EVERYTHING.

When we got home, things got really real, really fast.
I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the combination of sore boobs and tummy (I had a c-section) coupled with the complete lack of sleep and crazy hormones.
I really don't know where to point the finger.
I just know that I decided at one point, during those first few months, that our son would be an only child!

The reason being, my husband and I were bickering way too much.
So out of character for us.
Both of us thought we knew what was best for our son
 even if we didn't agree on what that was.
 Little things would work our nerves.
It was so stressful.
It didn't help that because I was nursing, I had to be the one to get up in the middle of the night.
He seemingly slept through the cries of our son some nights.
 He did get up sometimes but, there was no point, I was the food supply. HA!

When it was time for him to go back to work I tried not to let the baby wake him
 but I was jealous of all that sleep he was getting!
It wasn't until I shared what I was feeling with other friends that I learned I wasn't alone.
I was relieved.

 I'd thought our marriage was doomed because we'd re-produced! LOL!
After a half-way decent night's sleep and some talking we got better.
Much better. We got into a routine.
We found our rhythm where our son was concerned
and had a better understanding of each other as parents.
I truly think that having our son and what we went through those first few months
brought us even closer and made our marriage stronger.
I would gladly have another child now.
 I think now that I know what to expect, I'd be better prepared
and we can steer clear of the "for worse" portion of the vows when the next child comes along.

Thank you Cam for sharing how you the hubby went through "for worse."
 And how beautiful that having your son brought you two even closer together.
Your story is definitely a testimony of how sometimes
  sticking it out through the worse can make our marriages better!

Question of the Day:
What is the worse you've gone through that has made your marriage better?


ichoosethesun said...

Thank you to Team Pancakes for this series and to Camishsa for sharing your story. As I prepare to walk down the aisle, it is helpful to hear from others :)

Elizabeth and Kyle @ Love Is the Adventure said...

This is something that has terrified me for awhile. I worry about how children will affect our marriage and it makes me hesitant to even think about trying. Sigh. I really appreciate the honesty of this post.

Kyle and I have been through some really difficult stuff in the last five and a half years. He worked the night shift for two years which meant we slept/worked on completely different schedules 5 days a week. It was so difficult but now that he's home at night again, I have a brand new appreciation for sharing a bed, for eating dinner at the same time, for taking walks at night, for waking up together, all of it.

Carlie said...

I really like this series. It is always good to see couples that work through difficult times and come out successful and even better than before!

Natalie said...

Hey Cam! No one tells you how your life will change after bringing a little one into this world. Those first few months are so tough!

Heather said...

I love this candid and honest post! While I'm excited to someday have children, I appreciate the honesty of others who have let me know it will not be easy in any way.

Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

Mrs. Pancakes!!! Thanks so much for having me over today! :)

Alida said...

Those first months after a child is born are so hard. I remember those struggles too.

Denise said...

Kids do change things.. bring out a different side of us we didn't know existed. It's beautiful you were able to get through the "worse".. and it's great that you shared this story, & inspire others to get through their "worse" as well.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

It definitely takes some time to get a rhythm going. I totally understand that! Plus you've got all the hormone changes again from not being pregnant anymore. So glad you two got it all figured out. :)

Baby Shopaholic said...

I wanted to kill my Mr sometimes! Totally feel where you are coming from!

Mrs. H said...

Thanks for another enlightening view in this series! I'm really loving this series. Thanks to Camisha for sharing her story.

Deidre said...

I can't even begin to imagine what that is like - with all the sleep deprivation. GAH.

For IC and I - we've had a lot of bad. A few months into meeting IC I went on the pill and was on it for 7 months. I had a really bad allergic reaction to it that really messed up my emotions and I got depressed. Real depressed. I was horrible to be around, I cried all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. After I stopped taking the pill it took months (nearly 6) to start feeling better again. And then I got diagnosed with Endometriosis. Oy!


Love how open and honest Camisha was. Must be such a difficult time after the birth of a child. A time of extremes. Glad they made it through the worse and hope for better in the future :)

Monique said...

this was such a great post especially for those of us who are married but don't have children yet. i've only been married for 7 months so i don't think there has been a worst. Recently we remodeled our entire apartment and that was so so stressful we bickered alot but got it done. I know it's not really a worst but we haven't been married that long.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Being able to get through the hard times is so important. I learned the hard way that if you can't get through the hard things you don't have much of a chance of making it through life together. Life has the habit of throwing curveballs at you.

F.Y.I. (Fundamental Young Intellect) said...

I like the site. The wedding vows bit is something I can relate to. My Wife and are a planning on renewing Our vows this year (in August) which will mark Our 5th year Anniversary. Thanks for sharing and thanks for the comment on fundamentalyoungintellect.blogspot.com Definitely will follow this blog. Keep it up!

Quiana said...

Camisha - what a wonderful post! This truly resonated with me especially about it getting really real, real fast! It definitely has taken a while to get a rhythm down with our now 17 month old and sometimes the thought of adding another makes me break out in a cold sweat, but knowing our commitment to our vows and that we're in it together reminds me that I'm sure we'll weather it just fine. Thank you for sharing your story.

Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

you guys are the best with your comments. you're so welcome! I know my story may not be your story and some may experience total bliss from day one. No matter what though, having a baby is a game changer but it doesn't mean game over! :)

Bravoe Runway said...

If in the odd instance I do get married I am changing those vows..to for better, good, or best...no worse please I can't handle it...I got enough drama in my life as a single woman doubled up? No thank you.

Alicia@ Mommy Delicious said...

Cam: I totally agree with you. The first few months of motherhood scared the heck out of me and made me not want anymore children. I was so moody and cranky and.... TIRED. LOL. But I loved my son and wanted him to have it all. It's a crazy, mixed up, twisted feeling. I'm so happy that time passed. I always sympathize with new moms b/c I REMEMBER those times. LOL.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Thanks for your honest post Cam! We've certainly gone through some hard times in our marriage, but I haven't killed him yet and I think hard times make me appreciate when it's good even more.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Cam, again thank you for your insight into how a baby can change the marriage relationship which does not mean game over! Love it!

toi said...

Awesome post Cam, well voiced. Thank you for sharing.

Elle Sees said...

I love learning the true stories if marriage.

Anonymous said...

Love this post Cam!! True, marriage is tough and there are some challenges. Children are a blessing but they do make you wonder for a minute about your marriage. lol But it all works out! =)

Mimi said...

Bringing our son home was very trying on our marriage. We had only gotten married a few months before he was born and I remember thinking that I just wanted to run away and leave him and the baby. Finding that rhythm is tough.

Glad to tell you that the second time around is a breeze. We both knew what was needed to care for a small baby and everyone was onboard. Bringing my daughter home was smooth sailing!

This Cookn' Mom said...

Thanks for sharing, Cam. I can relate also, especially with baby #3 added to the mix. We still haven't found a rhythm but I know we will get there.