Falling in Love with My Baby
By Quiana Agbai, Harlem Love Birds
When I first saw the title of this guest-post series I thought of my other baby –
my husband and the harsh reality of displacement
that often happens when a newborn arrives.
I have to admit, I gave my husband a very hard time
during those first few post-partum weeks.
Thinking back on it I cringe.
I seriously felt like a mama bear ready to
attack anyone at moment’s notice and since
he was in close proximity he received the brunt of my fury.
I instantly felt a bond with Nia, my now 2 year old daughter,
when she was born and yes, I loved her
but I definitely waned in the feeling of “being in love” at times
during my recovery from my 4th degree tear
and frustration with learning how to breastfeed.
Falling in love with my baby and falling in love
with my husband definitely had similarities
and I often wonder if we were all in love
with each other at some point.
I imagine our ships of love passing each other.
As my father told me with romantic love and relationships,
a couple is rarely on the same percentage level of love
and contribution to the partnership at any given time
I see this truth being played out even now with my baby especially.
As her personality developed and she moved
from being a little blob (and I mean that in an endearing way!)
to having a full blown personality and reminding me of myself in the process,
I’ve found myself falling in love with her and the little person she’s becoming.
And isn’t that our goal in parenthood - to help our children reach adulthood successfully?
When I see glimpses of myself in her and quirks
that make me thinks she’s bit crazy (but always cute)
I feel an overwhelming sense of love for her – actually being in love with her.
I say to myself, “Nia is going to be one special woman someday!”
I may not like her tomorrow when she has a rough time
as we’re presently undergoing potty training
or I trip over her spilled blocks for the umpteenth time
although I told her to put them away, but I do know
that I am in a continual ebb and flow of falling in (and out of) love with my baby.
Thank you Quiana, i am inspired reading this and cannot wait
to continue falling in love with Baby Pancakes.
If you don't know Quiana and her lovely family (Nia is adorable btw)...
hurry on over and check her out: