Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Living Our Vows: Krysten of Why Girls Are Weird...



I was totally glad Krysten agreed to participate in the Living Our Vows series!  
What happens when we are made to choose 
between living our vows and living our heart's happiness?
Krysten will share her experiences with us.  
She has one of the freshest and honest voices in blogland 
and if you haven't read any of her posts, why not?
Check out her blog as soon as you finish reading this post! 

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Hi all!  My name is Krysten and I blog at Why Girls Are Weird
I thought long and hard about how I wanted to word today's post because it's going to be different from the ones you're used to reading.  Today I'll be talking about two different vows - for better and for worse as well as to love and to cherish.  And I'm going to tell you what happens when someone stops following through with their vows.

I met my ex-husband during the summer of 2004 and from the moment we met I was taken. 
 He was FUNNY and he made me laugh all the time.  
After a year of being friends we finally started dating.  
And 3 years after that in the fall of 2008 we were married.

On my blog and in a lot of my life I acted like my ex, Dustin, and I had a wonderful relationship.  
I had so many people say to me, "Wow, you two are just so perfect together.  
You're the perfect couple."  Everytime I heard that it stung because I knew it my heart that was so far from the truth.  Dustin and I hid it though, from everyone including ourselves.

In 2010 I lost my job and was without one for 6 months.  It was HARD.  
We had a lot of money problems and though we got through it I felt 
as though that was the beginning of the end. 
The "for worse" part slowly and quietly pulled us apart. 
I hate to say this because I don't want to place blame but Dustin lied to me, and he lied often. 
Our money problems would not have been nearly so bad had he been truthful with me and although he lied because he was scared I have always felt as if the "for worse" part got the best of him.

Although we got through the financial problems and I did find a new job there was then this huge elephant in the room.  Dustin broke my trust and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't 100% trust him again.  
And so I pulled away.  The love started to fade because the trust faded.  

We both knew something was wrong but neither of us would admit it. 
The love we once had just wasn't there anymore.  
And as the spring of 2011 wore on we both started to realize that something had changed in our relationship.  
We separated. And soon decided that there wasn't a way to fix things.

Marriage is a two way street.  If both partners aren't willing to put in the work there are going to be cracks. 
If both people aren't working all the vows the marriage can crumble.  
It isn't anyone's fault, just something that both people need to be conscious of.

My advice to all of you is this: when you're writing your vows (or deciding on traditional vows) and entering into a marriage, be sure you really know what they mean.  Falling in love and planning a wedding can be such a fairy tail but you have to understand that ANYTHING can happen in life, good and bad.  
Remember this as you're planning to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Thank you so much to Mrs. Pancakes for letting me share this.  
It's my hope that others can learn from my mistakes... and that I can as well.

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Again, thank you Krysten for your honesty. 
I believe adding your voice to the Living Our Vows series will 
definitely enriched all of our experiences in how we view our relationships and marriages.
And thank you for reminding us to mean what we say when we are writing our vows.

10 comments:

kita said...

Oh wow thank you for being so honest. My hubs and I have money problems also it seems like that's our only problem he spends and I save and it never works. We don't talk about the differences because it turns into an argument so to keep the peace we just ignore it. We are trying to stay the course but when their is an elephant in the room it's no use trying to squeeze past it. We will have to sit down and discuss it and I think now is the time. Thank you

meme-and-he said...

loved the honesty in this post...something that definitely lacks in the blogging world. I agree, saying vows to another person is the most sacred thing you can do in this life!!

♥ Ka`ili said...

This is such a beautiful post! thank you for sharing, i also look forward to reading your blog. Living your vows is so important and I hope to do that as much as possible when my time comes to get married :)

Carlie said...

That was really interesting to read. I'm glad you decided to share her story on your blog series.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Thank you so much for having me... maybe someone will read this and not make the same mistakes that I did or at least realize they aren't alone.

Bravoe Runway said...

If you can't trust the person living under the same roof as you, life can really get difficult. I am glad that Krysten acknowledged the issue and moved on.

Blicious said...

i love love love this series!!! Do you need another story writer? :)

xoxo
b

Rod and Alex - aka: "Rolex" said...

This was an extremely open and honest testimony. I'm glad Krysten shared with us. I have only been married a year, but I know that honesty is essential for a marriage to last. I will always communicate honestly with my love and expect him respond in kind.
Thanks for sharing your story!

Fabrizia said...

Such a great post, so honest!!
Take a look and if you want we can follow each others: Cosa mi metto???
Last day to win your favourite jewels from Les Jumelles

toi said...

Wow, this is such a powerful piece, thank you so much for sharing.