Monday, December 12, 2011

Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend?

Hello's definitely awesome to be back from my digital sabbatical.
I enjoyed unplugging  BUT I truly missed blogland and glad i am back!

This morning Monday, i wanted to pose the question: 
Is your spouse your best friend?

Many times when we get married, we refer to our spouse as our best friend.  
Which sounds nice and fluffy however in actuality,
 is he or she really your best friend? 
The person you call, "your person", 
the one you share the most embarrassing details of your life--
like the time you took the medication that made you have diarrhea.  
The one you call in the middle of the night if the police pulls you over.  
You know "your person!" 
Is that your spouse?

According to the Urban Dictionary,  a best friend is described as:

They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to. 
You will phone them up just to talk about nothing, or the most important things in your life.
They give the best hugs in the world!
They are the shoulder to cry on, because you know that they truly care about you. 
In most cases they would take a bullet for you, cause it would be too painful to watch you get hurt. 

Wikipedia refers to the value of friendships
 is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

The tendency to desire what is best for the other
Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
Enjoyment of each other's company
Trust in one another
Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties.
The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.

When we take stock of our relationships with our spouse, 
we shouldn't just say they are our best friends, we should actually act upon it. 
We should really value them according to the value scale above.
Recently, Mr. Pancakes and i went through a situation which
 made me realize as much as i refer to him as my best friend,
 i wasn't valuing him as my best friend.  
I shared things with him BUT
 i wasn't sharing ALL my deepest and darkest secrets 
from the past and having this realization come to life 
(at the gentle encouragement from my wonderful husband) 
we were able to have an open dialogue which i believed has strengthened our marriage
 even more so than i thought possible.

Where i thought i was going be judged, he embraced me and accepted me.
Where i thought were shameful moments, he laughed them off with me...
I realized not sharing some parts of myself with him (as trivial as it may be) 
made him feel like he didn't know all of me. 
 And aren't best friends supposed to know all about each other?
I know i have the best husband in the world but having this open and honest dialogue
 made me realize the importance of having your spouse as your best friend.

And i believe this is the best lesson we have learned so far in our young and awesome marriage.
As a newlywed, i am finding out the "getting to know you" stage
 continues all the way through your marriage.
 And i am so glad Mr. Pancakes and i value open communication and truth telling,
 whether it be bad, good and ugly. 
We have decided to talk and work through it
 because we value our relationship as best friends, wife and husband.  

Now when we both say we are each other's best friend, 
i know and he knows unequivocally we are each other's best friend 
and this is a wonderful feeling.  

Question of the Day

1) Is your Spouse really your best friend?
2) What makes your spouse your best friend?

Team Pancakes went there...we took a Risk and Survived!


Monica Tillery said...

1. My spouse is absolutely my best friend.

2. He is my best friend because he is the person I am closest too in my entire life. All my secrets, fears, insecurities, hurts, longings, he knows. And I know all his.

I truly have to stop and wonder where I stop, and he begins-though I don't know whether that is love, or best friendship or a brilliant combination of both!

NinaLaZina said...

Yes, mine is definitely my best friend, but you know- I am not sure it is that good him knowing everything about me!

Evelien said...

My husband is my best friend! He knows so so so much of me... (I'm afraid to say he knows everything, 'cause you can never really know everything!)
He's the one I would call just to say that I needed someone to talk to. He's the one that knows everything, even my biggest mistakes!
He truly is my bestest buddy in the world :)

Mrs. Robinson said...

I say that my husband is my best friend, and he really truly is. But...if I'm going to be perfectly honest I'd have to tell you that it's been a huge transition for me. Before we got married, my mom was def. my best friend. We talked about everything and she is still a person I run to when I feel like I'm breaking. So, like I said, it's been a transition to make my husband the only person I run to FIRST.

But he is my best friend, and I love him dearly. He's an amazing person who allows me to be myself and tell him all of my darkest secrets and weirdest quirks. He loves me..I think that's what makes him a best friend. He loves ME just like I am, and knowing that makes all the difference in the world. Because he loves me, I know that I can tell him anything.

LaNeshe said...

My husband is definitely my best friend. I have the most fun when I spend time with him, he makes me laugh, and he's my "go to" person when I am the most happy, or the most upset about something.

Keeley McGuire said...

I can honestly say my fella is my best friend.
After a very emotionally (and physically) hard first marriage, I really shut myself off. Put up a wall. Told myself I'd never marry again.

It's amazing how when you actually DO meet THAT person, how everything can change. No more being scared. The wall began to crumble.

He is my best friend. The person who honestly I enjoy just hanging out with - we laugh, we joke, we watch sports, we dance, we are just play dorks together and I'd have it no other way.

He makes me a better person. Every day. He makes me feel loved. Every day.
And without hesitation, I make sure to return that + more. Every day.

It's not work or effort when it's real. I've finally learned that. :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, I married my best friend. We put up with each other when no one else will. lol

Blicious said...

he is without a doubt my very best friend! He knows everything about me. :)


This Cookn' Mom said...

Oh yes! My J is my best friend! I think it is important for spouses to be our best friends.It's a great quality to have in a marriage. Being best friends with your spouse makes the marriage stronger...more deep...entwined There are no secrets.

Heather said...

I do consider my husband one of my best friends, though I have girlfriends who I also consider my best friends. I guess I don't believe in truly identifying one "best friend," since I value the differences in every relationship I have based upon what we've shared and how we interact. I say the more love in your life, the better!

Married...with a Pup said...

I love this question because Derek is truely my best friend. I go to him for everything! From advice to a sounding board, he hears everything, haha!

Rachel said...

I love the times when I'm just goofing around with my husband just having a laugh as friends.

Like yesterday, we were making pancakes and were seeing how high we could flip them. Then my crazy hubby pulled out another frying pan and we ended up playing pancake tennis. Stupid, but hilarious fun!

Camille said...

he definitely is, but it took some time to get to 'best friend' status.

i was very guarded, but life has thrown some stuff at forced me to let down and be completely open with my husband.

we are now best friends. most definitely.



One hundred percent!!! J & I have actually been best friends since the 4th grade and we got together when we were 14 years old. :)

Mrs. H said...

My hubby is 100% my best friend. The beauty of our relationship is that we started as friends and that grew stronger and stronger until we were best friends while falling in love. There isn't a secret that I keep from him and I am confident him from me. We trust each other and value the other so much that no matter what it is we always talk to each other first whether its advice or to share news.
Welcome back from your sabbatical!

Rocker Chic said...

Mrs. P

If I was married I am pretty sure that my spouse would be my best friend.

I love reading all the comments of the ladies explaining why their hubbies are their bestfriend.

ASingleMothersJourney said...

Mrs. Pancakes,
A whole weekend without you seemed like eternity lol. Glad you’re back! Wonderful post as usual!

meme-and-he said...

Great post!!! my husband is my best friend...especially because we dated for 7 years!

Shannon said...

Yep, my husband is my best friend. He's a wonderful listener and he makes me happy. And I know he cares for me unconditionally, and that's hard to find in most friends.

Sunshine Blossoms said...

That's so awesome you and your husband decided to take your relationship to a whole new level! I would have to agree with you that it's hard to truly be best friends without being able to share absolutely anything with them. And it feels so good when your spouse accepts it and loves you still (or better yet, loves you more!). The whole getting to know you thing does continue through marriage, like you said... and it's one thing that keeps it exciting!

Faith said...

Hubs is def. my best friend. I don't know what secret of mine he doesn't know. I tell him everything and he knows everything. He is the first person I think of when I wake up and when I go to bed. When something great happens he is the first to know, and when something bad happens he is the first to know. He is my best friend because I choose him as my best friend.

Monique said...

I don't consider my husband my best friend. My best friend is a woman I'm very close to who I witnessed the birth of her child. My husband is certainly my rock! We are there for each other and love each other more than anything but I wouldn't put him in the best friend category.

Alida Sharp said...

He really is my best friend...we were friends before we started dating.

We can share everything with one another and he has always been there through the ups and downs of other relationships with female friends. My friendship with him is the one I cannot live without!

Dr. Reginia said...

When I get to that point (hopefully soon) he would indeed have to be my best friend. I couldn't imagine committing myself any other way.

Desiray said...

After God yes my loving hubby is my best friend

Mrs. Robinson said...

Hi! I am working on my link-up post for Thriving Love Thursday and I found myself mentioning this post of yours, so I thought I'd let you know! :) I hope you'll be joining us this week! :)

Rod and Alex - aka: "Rolex" said...

Yes! My spouse is definitely my best friend and your post has only confirmed it more! :)