Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Get Married ONLY After 25...

Good Tuesday Ladies!!!!

I'm loving the HuffingtonPost as of late, 
they always have the most interesting articles to peruse.
You should definitely check them out when you get a minute.
An interesting article i read the other day was from a Public Relations Professional.

Jennifer Nagy, the writer reflects on how her status and her divorce.

This is her status as follows:
Current age - 29
                                                                 Divorced for - 8 months
Separated for - 1 year, 9 months
Age when I met my ex - 19
Age when I married - 24

Her argument is this, if people were married after 25years of age, 
the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

She argues that people under 25years of age,
 "are still discovering themselves; 
they are figuring out what is most important in their lives.
 They are discovering the joys (and heartache) 
of being in a relationship, and then the partying 
that often characterizes life between relationships. 
They are figuring out what their relationship "deal-breakers"
 are and who their most appropriate partners would be."

Jennifer is quick to remind us her claims are based solely on her own experiences 
BUT she reminds us that  National Center for Health Statistics,
 approximately 60 percent of marriages in which the
 couple marries between age 20 and 25 will end in divorce.

I'm thinking her claims are interesting and thought provoking.

I have sisters who got married before 25years of age and both are happily married.
One is going on 7 years, another is married well over 20 years.
Both were ready, willing and understood the undertaking of wedded bliss.
I was married well after 25 years of age and as much as i thought i was ready to be married...
i was NOT ready emotionally, spiritually and definitely dating Mr. Wrong!
So age, emotional readiness and marriage is all be relative to the individual.

Jennifer's experience is unique to her!

In my opinion, age plays a part in marriage 
however i don't believe it impacts heavily on whether two people will get  a divorce.  
After all, any two persons can decide to end a marriage regardless of their age.  
25years of age doesn't necessarily suggest maturity!

What does cause divorce however is when we jump into marriage 
without knowing ourselves, our partners and valuing the sacred institution of marriage,
 we may end up on the other side (divorce).

Question of the Day:
What do you think,
Should people wait to get married ONLY after 25years of age?


Laura:: said...

I don't feel it's necessary to wait until after you've turned 25 to get married if you and your partner have had all of the important discussions such as money including all debt owed and figuring out a budget, children, future goals, plans and dreams, and making sure your faith and values align with each other. I have plenty of friends who I have so many things in common with, who I absolutely love and adore, but when it comes to faith and spirituality, we don't mesh. But I also didn't marry them. My husband and I began dating in 2003 - we were 15/16 years old. We were engaged in 2006 on our 3 year anniversary, but knew that we weren't ready for marriage at that point. Getting engaged was more of a promise to each other, showing a long term commitment to one another. After another 3 years and 3 months, in March of 2010, we finally married, I was 22 and husband was 21 . So as of now, we've been married around 2 years 3 months and so far, we've not had any fights or arguments or disagreements about the important stuff... babies, money, life... sure we argue about dumb stuff... what tv show to watch, what our plans for the weekend will be, but I feel if you really know someone and know what marriage means, age doesn't affect the marriage. Really, it's so specific to the two people getting married, it's different for everyone!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

I got married at 22 (and Kev was 24) and I have loved that through our 20s we have gotten to grow together. I have a brother who is 31 and his gf is 28 and they are having problems figuring out their future because they are so used to doing things their own way. It is definitely different for everyone, but I dont feel like my relationship is weaker or that I missed out on any growing because we married young!

Mrs. V said...

I think it depends on what your perception of marriage is. My husband and I knew going into it that marriage wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. We understood that it took hard work and committment to make things last and stand the test of time. I also had great role models. My oldest sister has been married nearly 14 years and is about to turn 34. My other sister has been married 11 years and is 30, and it'll be 6 years of marriage for me and I'll be 26 this year. Thankfully we were able to pick out the men that viewed marriage as a sacred bond of union. And that doesn't neccessarily come with age...

Bravoe Runway said...

I think it depends on the person. Right now I am 31 and I still don't think I am ready to get married. It is true that a lot of change and development occurs once people hit their mid to late 20s.

Nellie said...

I believe it all depends on the maturity level of the person, I got married @ 24 and was engaged for two long years prior, and I am also very happy with hubby. The way the divorce rate is these days, I don't think age is so much a factor rather than the compatibility and patience of the people getting married.

Fashion Pad said...

Good question! It really depends on the two people involved. You will never be fully ready for marriage and all the trials and tribulations you will face on the daily. However, if you place God at the head of your life and vow to well....keep your vows, I don't think age really matters. However, with that being said, most people are ready for the aforementioned level of dedication when they've reached a significant level of maturity, which usually occurs after they've been living on their own and going through life's experiences for a number of years. The statistics don't lie, I would advocate for waiting but that's just my little two cents.

Kirsten Wiemer said...

while i've only been married for about 6 months now i probably don't have the best insight. however, my religion, along with many hold marriage as one of the most sacred covenants, and is not taken lightly, however, i feel as though many take it lightly. i think that it is age shouldn't be the sole factor of which you base whether or not you get married. i think if a couple is willing that any marriage can work. i come from a family with a long line of divorces, which scared me at first from getting married, but i just realized i have to do things differently. always pray together and be understanding. But i really do not feel that there should be an age limit of 25.


A Haute Mommy said...

I'm just trying to get married before 30 lol!

Anonymous said...

I understand her point, but I don't think you have to put an age on when to marry. I just think marriage can be more successful when a certain level of maturity has been reached by both people involved. My parents married at 18 & 23 and have been married 35 years. I married at 24 and we are going on 10 years.
It would be interesting to have more solid research on her theory, could be worth her investigating more......

Nylse said...

i disagree with the writer and agree with you.
i got married at 23; its 23 years so far.
it depends on the maturity and mindset of the 2 individuals.

kita said...

I think it depends on the people not the age. For me I got married at 23 and here 7 years later we are different and those differences are so hard to deal with in marriage. I feel we are growing but not together and it's causing problems. I also know couples who have been together since high school and they are happy and growing together.

Gerri said...

I don't think there's a magic age, but I do think maturity plays a part.

I married at 23. I'd been with my husband since I was 19. We've been together 10 years now and happily married for almost six.

I can certainly see how this writer thought 25 was a "magic" age because naturally, you are a bit more mature at that age than at 20 or 23. But knowing what and who you want in life can come at anytime for any time adult, no matter the age. For some of us, it's 20. For some of us, it's 40. Again, it depends on the person.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Okay... I think it's different for everyone. Different people have different experiences and mature at different times.

I got married at 25 and lo and behold, I'm getting divorced. Age doesn't matter and I think this woman is a little immature to think that numbers matter.

CeCe @Frugalista Married said...

It totally makes sense but I truly believe it's hit and miss. You really just never know, but I do agree that to wait is best because you really don't know yourself honestly, until you get to your 30's.

Alida said...

We were 18 when we got married and 30 years later we are still together! We have had some bumps along the way but it was the right time and decision for us!

Lauryn said...

I think that people under the age of 25, on average, still have a lot of growing and changing to do, especially if they've focused most of their adulthood on school and getting a job. However, marriage is a challenge and a serious commitment no matter who you are or where you are in life, so if it is approached realistically by two people who are willing to work hard for each other and their relationship... then they can be successful no matter what their age :)

Megan said...

Such an interesting question! I think that people are always growing and changing, so whatever age you get married at, you still have to work hard to make sure you and your partner grow in the same direction!


Totally think it depends on the people and their compatibility/maturity etc. I don't think it's that bad of a general rule though. I've been with the same person since I was 14. Fast forward almost 26 years later and we're happier than ever. But I don't think that's the norm really...

Great post! :) xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... Marriage is a huge adjustment no matter the age. While I know I wasn't ready before 25 that doesn't hold true for others. I got married at 30 at that was perfect for me. Key words there are "for me". Some people are just as immature at 50 as others are at 23. Totally depends on the people, not so much their ages.

Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

Hmmm... Marriage is a huge adjustment no matter the age. While I know I wasn't ready before 25 that doesn't hold true for others. I got married at 30 at that was perfect for me. Key words there are "for me". Some people are just as immature at 50 as others are at 23. Totally depends on the people, not so much their ages.

ms.composure said...

hmmmm she does make some very good points! i do have several friends who got married pretty young...and 1/2 of them are divorced. i def know that i am 25 and i am still not ready to be married...so i guess you are right it just depends on the person and the situation


Anonymous said...

Honestly? I think it should be more like 30. A lot of 25-year-olds I know don't even have stable careers yet, some are still in college getting higher level degrees. I say all this even though my own experience negates it.

I was 19 and my husband was 21 when we married. We've been married for 9 years now, with no thought of divorce in our future. But you know, there's been times early in our marriage when we almost did. We were too young. Jennifer is right in that respect - we weren't done changing and discovering who we were. A lot of heartache could have been saved if we'd waited until we were older and more mature.

Even though our marriage has leveled out and is strong now, I wouldn't recommend anyone else marrying at such a young age. Besides, what's the rush? There is a lot of fun in being single and independent that people miss out on when they marry young!

Rachel said...

As you say - it's all about the individuals involved. You can't put a blanket rule for everyone.

I got married when I was 20 and my hubby was 19! I have to say we were probably too young, but does that mean our marriage will end in divorce? No!
We still had a lot of growing up to do and the first couple of years were really rough at points, but because divorce was never an option for us we worked through it and our marriage is much stronger now as a result. It's easy to look at our relationship on paper and say 'they should have waited until they were older', but in reality we loved each other and we wanted to be married and be together and staying apart until we had enough money or until we had 'grown up' enough would have just brought different heartaches to the ones we experienced. I don't regret getting married young.

PhenomenallyMe said...

There is no age limit on how old you should be to take on the responsibility of marriage. You don't have to know yourself, you just have to learn and understand that marriage is hard work and no matter what, you will be committed to your mate, unconditionally. I'm pretty sure marriages that last 10+ years aren't perfect. They have their rough moments just like the rest but they stay and fight for their marriage. I think people, not just 25 and under, go into the marriage thinking it will be roses and chocolate everyday and when problems arise, instead of communicating, they just sweep stuff under the rug. Marriages are just like having a relationship with yourself, there are things you will love, things you will hate, and growth and development you have to experience in order to be successful at it.

With that being said, people need to be ready for the challenge before they marry. Age is just a number...

Summer Inc said...

Very Interesting topic... I think saying marriage before 25 will more likely end in divorce is not a truth. There are people who marry on both sides of 25 and some still end in divorce. It will depend on who and why the individual married, are they willing to work on marriage, if the person was hiding their true colors, stress, jobs, children, loyalty, communication, honesty, respect, fidelity, all different outside forces play a role into staying married or getting a divorce.

I got married at 20 and am happily still married after 6 years. Have we both grown and changed ... sure but we did it together. Has it always been easy, No, but we committed and have never looked back.

Marriages end for all different reasons, but to say that getting married after 25 will drop the rate of divorce I feel is a little misleading, for some I am sure it is true but for the majority I think it has a lot of other factors that play into staying together or not.

Sophia Chang said...

25? Shoot, that's still hella young to me - I say 30! LOL

Again my "city ways" - none of my close friends are married and we're all in our early 30's and nowhere near to marriage. (Again, it's to expensive to be married in NYC/LA lolol)

I do like your reframe - know thyself! It's soooo true.

LaNeshe said...

I was 23 and I'm very happily married. I think it just depends on the people and why they are getting married.

Sunny LouisvilleSlugger said...

I don't think ONLY, but I do think people should wait to get married and have children until after they've been able to enjoy young adulthood alone.

I got married and had our first child at 30 and felt like I had a chance to truly live.

Rod and Alex - aka: "Rolex" said...

I think it depends on the person. Personally, I think 25 was the age where I hit "official" maturity. I'm glad I met my husband at 27 and married him at 29.
I can't speak for others though, I have several friends who met and married young; they are still happily married.
This is an excellent question!
I think it helps when both individuals are established in their identities. For many people, this takes place in their late 20's…but for others it could be much sooner.

Callie Nicole said...

I just found your blog and thought this was an interesting topic, so I had to comment! I agree with everyone who said that it depends on the person. There are some incredibly immature 25 year olds out there who probably aren't ready to be married even though they've hit the magic number. Likewise I know alot of people (practically all my friends) who got married before they were 25 and they were totally ready for it. I don't think you can just say blanket statement of "you should wait until 25 to get married or you might get a divorce", because it's just not true.

Now, I know I've heard research on the fact that the divorce rate drops alot if you wait to get married until after you are 20 . . . but I don't think that means no one should marry before 20 either. I know a few people who actually did get married before they were 20, and once again seemed to totally understand the gravity of the commitment to marriage, and they seem to be doing just fine.

Interesting topic!