Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Yet to Be Married: Grown-Up Conversations

I believe Mr. Pancakes and i had our first marital conversation that i would like to refer to as Grown-Up!  We have been doing really well with discussing how we want our lives to go (as much control as we have over this seeing that i do believe God is in control of the direction of our lives always). 

We had discussed how we wanted to first two years of our lives to go including getting married, becoming debt-free, saving our emergency fund, moving and then starting the business.  Initially after we saved up for our wedding fund, we would work on getting completely out of debt before purchasing a house and or starting our family business! As can be seen on the right hand of my blog!

Therefore, imagine my surprise when Mr. Pancakes informed me he had found a building for our business a few days ago! WHAT?! Of course my first reaction probably wasn't as supportive as he would have liked.  Immediately i wanted to know how he was going to afford to rent a building for a business??!!! Then tonight, the topic came up again and Mr. Pancakes informed me he wanted to start the business now rather than later.  He had thought about the finances and one of the caveats was that provided he had a certain amount of customers per day, he  would be able to make the rent and everything else in between. 

Which sounded farfetched to me so i countered back with my WHAT IFs...what if we don't get enough people coming into the store and what if we could make other house-related payments because we had to pay rent on the store? What if there were other risks we couldn't see? and What happened to being DEBT-FREE?!!

Of course as soon as i said this, i could tell that he had shut down to some degree.  I wanted to discuss it more but he didn't because as he put it "i can't make willy nilly decisions anymore, i am almost a married man now!" Which is true but then i also do not want to be a DREAM-KILLER because i do believe in Mr. Pancakes and all the business plans and i do want us to become business owners! However i want us to start this business with little risk as possible.  I know in business there are always risks but if we can limit the risks to a minimal, in my mind that would be ideally the right way to go. 

I want more than anything for Mr. Pancakes and i to start our marriage and famil life of well with as little risks as possible.  I want us to have a plan for everything including starting our business and as much as i don't want him to think i am a kill-joy, i feel as if i have to stand up for what i feel is right for our family!

What would you do if you were placed in this Grown-Up Conversation?
Would you support the person completely reglardless of risk?
And or stand up for what you think is right?


Miss JD said...

Wow that's quite a big step. I totally understand your apprehension... I def don't think your role is to support your SO unconditionally. That's why it takes two, right?

Good luck with the decision!

*** Also its so weird that I found your blog today because I told Mr last night that if I could choose a new blogger name it would be Miss Pancakes! ;)

Happy planning! Look forward to reading more!

MsBabyPlan said...

This is tricky.

You want him to be happy but you also want to be able to plan the family financial life.

My opinion is to stand by him 100% and let make him do some of the business decisions. If he thinks is the right time to start the business then let him go ahead and start planning.
In a relationship like a marriage if one feels like is he is a child is never good. Let him take some of decisions. If you decide everything then it is not two people but one person in a relationship of two.

Good luck.
A big hug.

Redbabe said...

Hmmm.... I'm faced with situation like that every now and then. This is what I would do usually.

(1) I would share his excitement. So he wont feel that I am a joy-killer.
(2) Then, I would draws out the pros and cons casually in a very neutral tone from his perspective.
(3) Then, tell him that the final decisions is still up to him. Either way, it is ok.

For our case, usually he will come around. :p Men are generally a little egoistic. So u must learn to talk in their language so they dont feel that they have to listen to us. Lols...

Anonymous said...

Tough one, but I'm glad that you guys are discussing things. I understand your desire to be financially sound and incur little risk, but at the expense of the Mr's enthusiasm and ego, you may need to broach things more gently in the future. Agree with Redbabe's suggestions. Sometimes short term failure (even in business) is key to future, long term success.